The Storm: A Lament

{I wrote this last summer, so the feelings portrayed here don’t apply now (I had gone through a period of depression), but I decided to go ahead and post it on here. It’s not really a poem but it’s also not an essay; I think of it being written in the style of a Psalm. So I call it a lament. But perhaps one of you more knowledgeable folks could help me with the technical term? :)}

____________________________________________

____________________________________________

{July 8th, 2011}

Standing in a blizzard, I long to bury myself, but realize the snow is already over my head.

I’m somewhere in between the death and life of my mind.

When you feel so much doubt and lonliness, you succumb to the inevitable numbing that follows.

_____

It can be a relief to not feel the pain, the cold.

But yet I long for the release that feeling gives me.

I can now only feel for one thing:

The one thing that causes me to feel, and feel with depth.

_____

I’m caught in a maelstrom of thoughts.

So powerful, these nagging doubts rage over me.

Nearly drowning me, but leaving me just alive enough so that they may pound me again.

They don’t make sense, but yet why do they cut like a  flaming blade to the center of my soul?

_____

When will there be a sign to call me from this dim room of fog?

I long to be joyful. I try to be genuine.

But the show becomes too much to perform and I sink once more beneath the depths…

 

Copyright © Bethany Richardson 2012

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “The Storm: A Lament

  1. Deeply felt & incredibly moving. “Lament”….I like that.

    Here are some lines that I find to be really powerful:

    “I’m somewhere in between the death and life of my mind.”

    “Nearly drowning me, but leaving me just alive enough so that they may pound me again.” <—- that is an incredible description of what depression feels like….I"m blown away by this line.

    • Bethany says:

      I did feel very deeply when writing this. I’m glad that my melancholic feelings then did result in something I now find beautiful and can share with others. That’s why I write in the bad times; not so I can preserve them, but I think it’s when we most strongly feel. And that depth we should attempt to portray. Thank you for your kind input, I always appreciate it more than you know. : )

  2. thirdplan8 says:

    It is such a depressing poem, yet it is so beautiful. I am glad that you are not in your depression anymore.

  3. bipolarmuse says:

    It is beautiful…despite the sadness. I have lived with depression nearly my entire life and find that my most depressing poems/writing are beautiful. They are a release of those pent up negative feelings.
    I am not sure what a technical word would be… but I would, for myself, consider it to be a prose?

    • Bethany says:

      Ah, yes, prose. Why didn’t I think of that? lol And yes, I think the same way. Sad things usually appeal to me and render themselves to be the most beautiful to me. Thank you for your feedback! : )

Leave your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s